The Meditation Blues

I can’t meditate.
I know I can’t. I’ve tried it.
It’s tougher than my income tax.
It’s harder than a diet.

I sit up straight. My eyes are crossed.
I pray that no one sees me.
My anal mouth is grinning.
Where the heck’s my Kundalini?

I’ll meditate by lying down.
I’m trying to unwind,
but what I really wanna do
is shoot my monkey mind.

Okay, I’m on my zafu now.
I’ve got the candle lit.
My crystal’s hanging round my neck.
I’m all prepared to sit.

Ganesh is on the alter,
and Ram Dass is playing soft.
I take a mighty cleansing breath.
The incense makes me cough.

I try it now with open eyes.
I’m staring at my yantra.
It’s gotta be more fun than this.
That’s it. I’m trying Tantra.